(drinking beer and/or whiskey while unintentionally listening to radiohead covers)
(and also using walmart bags as wrapping paper)
dear land o’ frost:
thank you for giving my family premium meat for eighty-three (83) years.
thanks also for adding water to my ham. i love when I make a toastie and it runs down my hand onto my arm and into my sweater. weezer would be proud.
love,
andrew
i sit here, slowly curating words for you to read, these are the words that give me satisfaction in this human moment
i will call these words a p…po…post yep a post send post
cracks knuckles
trumang
whatever happened to all those people who couldn’t stop and wouldn’t stop
someone should check on them maybe
you guys i miss being funny on twitter. gimme a sec to clear out the cobwebs.
today started with clean socks, we will see how it ends
despite all my rage i am still just not as limber as i’d like to be
snowed quite a bit last night and today which is good! because after that election i needed to burn some anxious/angry energy so i did some rage snow shoveling and now i’m wishing i would have done some rage warm-up stretches beforehand
i needed to read this—i finally read it after it sat in the tabs on my phone for more than a year—maybe it will strike a chord with you too.
(there are no tabs left on my phone and it feels super good)
my spotify dj is gonna be hungover tomorrow
i voted :)
where were you when a private space company backed by a billionaire proponent of a fascist regime launched the largest rocket ever built, caught the booster at the tower from which it was launched, live streamed reentry in its entirety, and landed next to a pre-positioned buoy in the ocean
do you ever have a birthday in your forties and decide fitness is important and buy a nice bike and ride it a ton and one day you’re riding hard and feel a sharp pain on your chest and clutch it and slowly roll to a stop and contemplate life and let go and a wasp falls out from under your shirt
you better ride until your nipples get hard
i’m not even playin’
#ShitPelotonInstructorsSay
how many of y’all cry during (one of my workouts)?
oh that’s a lot
[buries head]
#ShitPelotonInstructorsSay
i just plugged my bike helmet into my couch to charge in case you’re wondering what stage of civilization we are currently in
how many people on that leader board do you think barry white had a helping hand in creating
#ShitPelotonInstructorsSay
nothing worse than showing up to the nude beach unprepared
I am pleased to announce that I just got a PR on a chicken curry bowl speed run and will now be setting down my spork and retiring from professional chicken curry bowl speed running.
instr: i’m not gonna give you dietary recommendations. but i am going to tell you to consume more reggae.
instr: [talks for 3 minutes about eating only burritos]
#ShitPelotonInstructorsSay
“expanding your pantry” points to butt
#shitpelotoninstructorssay
how is this not violating a gag order?
(i guess it’s not about the jurors or witnesses, but still)
(also how tf did i get on this list)
(i responded that i want him arrested)
(they did not respond to that)
tfw when the system tells you how it works
okay time to stop reading the news for today i guess
